The car didn't share a similar fate, and unfortunately it had to be written off the road. I didn't realise the seriousness of the crash until this morning when we went to the tow-yard to take some things from the car. The passenger's side was a complete wreck, last night i knew it had rammed into me, but seeing the damage in broad daylight showed how much more damage could have happened at the crash scene. Alhamdulillah, my aunt and I walked out alive when people have been killed in less serious crashes.
All night, one thing was on mind; I was literally scared of the thought of dying. It made me realize that I am not, in any way, shape or form ready to meet Allah SWT. I'm not ready because I don't feel like I've put enough effort in proving myself for a spot in paradise. I realized, I've got so many things to reflect on, so much to work on within myself and in terms of my imaan which is at an all-time low at the moment. I think all in all, I want to reach a stage where if faced with such a situation, I'm not afraid, or thinking about this duniyah (world) and rather accept my fate as it is.
Today, I woke up and the first thing that came to mind was this ayah:
Allah Almighty says, "Every self will taste death. You will be
paid your wages in full on the Day of Rising. Anyone who is distanced from the
Fire and admitted to the Garden, has triumphed. The life of this world is only
the enjoyment of delusion," (3:185)
It is only by the grace of Allah SWT that I am here tonight, telling you all of this. It is only by the grace of Allah SWT that I was able to speak to my mum again tonight. And inshaAllah, it will be by the grace of Allah SWT that i will work on my spiritual self, on rekindling my relationship with Him and inshaAllah on trying to become a better Muslimah in this duniyah in preparation for the aakhira (hereafter), bi 'ithniLlah.
3 comments:
You scared me with that first sentence! I'm glad to hear you and your aunty are ok though, alhamdulillah.
I believe when your imaan is low, He will definitely intervene to give you a nudge in the right direction; I can totally relate to how you're feeling *hugs*
take care of yourself, insha'Allah..feel better soon :) x
Sorry, didn't mean it to scare people!
I feel that way too! I believe this was a needed jolt to remind me that I have to work on my imaan rather than just let it be.
inshaAllah, thanks love! *hugs*
Good luck sis, and may Allah (swt) make your progress easy! We all have spiritual highs and lows, we need to constantly remind ourselves on why we are here. I think deen classes are the best way to do this. I too fear death, mines a bit of an extreme fear and I make dua all the time that Allah strengthens my imman and helps me with this. Your post has hit home with me:( May Allah guide us all on the straight path!
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