Bittersweet Nostalgia

Mya over at A surreal Dream beautifully described the last goodbyes she shared with the friends she’d known from Primary school to graduation, and A. over at Green Tea Frenzy  posted about what she calls Toxic friends. We’ve all heard the phrase “ Friends come and go” and indeed they do, but why?
Let’s go back some ten years or so. 

I started trouble-making early. I have no idea what i was doing there though. Haha

I consider my primary to tenth grade years to be among the best of my 22 years in this world. The people I met at the age of 6 were the same people I hung out with at the very confused and self-righteous age of 15. We grew up together, knew each other so well, an outsider would have thought we were all previously joined at the hips. I understand that’s physically impossible, but it’s the closest thing that describes my relationship with my Ruwais school mates.

Each morning we met outside of the school campus or in the play ground, discussed the homework we all planned to copy off of whoever had already done it, my best friends and I would discuss the cute boys we saw on our way home from the gym the previous night, noting we’d already over-exhausted that subject the previous night over the phone when we were supposed to be working on our home works. Life was a breeze. With no care in the world, no responsibilities and no worries.

The last year I was with them was by far my favourite. We were 15, thought very highly of ourselves, saw ourselves as superior to everyone else and delighted in that superfluous image. In a way, we felt invincible. Just like we had all the years we’d known each other. Not only were we among the schools worst trouble makers, we were also proud of it.

 But seven years on, that “joined at the hips” analogy doesn’t apply anymore. Off course I keep in touch with them, facebook (and thank Allah for it) has reunited a huge number of us.  But things are not the same. I don’t really talk to many of them, and if I see them online, think twice about saying hello. What is it that makes me doubt myself like that? I know we’ve all grown up into VERY different people, and we’re all scattered in different parts of this world, but aren’t we all essentially the same people? The same people we threw sand at in primary school, isn’t that friend the same one who had an over-sized nail pierce through her thigh in second grade? Aren’t all these girls the same ones I despised as a 6 year old (Sorry banat :P), isn’t that the same Filipina I slept through ninth grade science class with? The memories are all still there, but what has changed?

Us! We have changed. We are no longer those care-free teens, we’ve all become the people we were destined to become. We’ve all found our own little cliques, and sets of friends who  satisfy our preferences at this stage in our lives. But is this reason enough to dessert the people you knew so well, the people you once called your brothers and sisters, the people you were not ashamed to share the tiniest details of your life with.

A. talked about losing touch with some friends being a “blessing in disguise”, but is that the case always. I miss my friends terribly and would love to have the cash and time to fly out to see each and everyone of them. I want to see what they’ve done in their lives, I want to sit and reminisce about the “good old times” and shed some happy and sad tears.  In a way, I want to go back to my old, non-caring self.  I want... and inshaAllah it is written for me.

P.S. This would be a good time for someone to invent a working time machine or some sort of time window where I could sit and watch an hour of 9^th grade Maths class with the trys-too-hard-to-be-funny-and-cool Mr. Basil Haider.

P.P.S. this reminds me of the song made famous by Phoebe from Friends “ Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it’s not your fault!”  Don’t know what the relevance is, but oh well, it’s out there now and it shall stay there.

P.P.P.S. I remembered. Two guy mates of mine sang it one lunch break. Complete with choreography. Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty, but was hella funny!

P.P.P.P.S I promise this will be the last one. Just wanted ya’ll to know facebook is so great, I’ve got my 2^nd grade teacher on my friends list. If you read this Ms. Moghan, you were definitely the best teacher I’ver had. You’re the reason I love reading ( remember C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe?). I really owe it all to you, so thank you!